Love and Other Disgusting Mushy Things
by primadonnabloodbath
Summary: Arthur Underhill decides to confess his feelings for Janet Pierce after the massive eight point earthquake in the downtown area, hoping it may calm her nerves. Boy, is he in for a shock. One-shot, crack-y. Rated M for nudity, sexual references, and rude language.


**A/N:** No, I don't hate Allie's dad. He's just fun to mess with. Also, this is the second time i've written a story where someone catches Saguru half-naked. Wonder what that says about me. Happy early Valentine's and Superbowl Sunday!

 **Disclaimer:** Between this fic, the Kimora shockfic, and the Allie porno/shockfic, this is just about the last thing that Hasbro would want to be affilated with. But they are now, since they own this show and I don't.

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It was a mildly cloudy evening, as Arthur Underhill steadied himself in front of the mirror. His hair was kempt, his suit was pressed, and he didn't have any little bits of food under his nails or in between his teeth. He was a paragon of cleanliness, and he could very well confidently go about his work day. But, work was over, and he had other pressing matters to attend to.

Well, they weren't _exactly_ that pressing, but what the hell. Today was the day he was going to admit his feelings towards Janet Pierce, the young woman that he'd harbored as well as helped during a rocky patch in her life. She was quite a beautiful woman, with gorgeous curves and a great… personality. Anyways, he looked himself over again in the mirror for a quick once-over, and walked down the stairs.

His daughter Allison was down at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich, and noticed him about to leave from the corner of her eye, and that he was holding a rather large bouquet of yellow and pink roses. She swallowed hard and asked "Hey, what's up? Where you going?"

"Oh! Pumpkin!" He said, pulling his keys from his pocket, and gently shoving them into the lock's gaping hole _(why yes, I am being a jackass)_ to open the door. "I'm just going over to see Jan- err. Miss Pierce. I won't be long!" He slammed the door softly behind him as he exited.

Allie shrugged, and went back to her BLT, when she suddenly remembered what had just happened yesterday. Nearly asphyxiating on a tomato, she ran to the door and tore it open. "Uh, Dad! There's something kinda important that I need to tell you!" but, it was too late, and Mr. Underhill had already gotten in his car, and pulled out of the driveway with a swift flick of the wrist.

Meanwhile, at the Pierce-Okamoto household, Ray was busy putting the finishing touches on a drawing of a Bronze-Arm Tribesman, while his grandfather was reading a book. The house, which had been dilapidated into near kindling was almost pristine by now. Ken Okamoto, against the wishes of his family and all health physicians this side of the Rocky Mountains, had rebuilt the entire house by himself. As of currently, he was helping his wife in the bedroom _(you all know where this is going)_ and was in no real position to do much of anything.

A dull three-pulse knock was heard on the door. Ray looked up, a little confused. "You expecting anybody, Oji-san?" He asked, putting down his sketchbook and walking to the door. He opened it, and was nearly smothered with a large bouquet of roses. After coughing up the flower petals that had lodged their way down his throat, he looked up at who had just entered. "Mr. Underhill?"

"Ray, good evening. Hello to you, too, Raiden Sr." He said, a little faster than he intended. "These are for your mother, might I ask if she's home?"

"Uh, yeah, she's in her roo-" Ray began, but he was quickly cut off before he could continue with Mr. Underhill's rambling.

"Oh, great! I- I was a little worried she wasn't home. I mean, I worry about her. She's a very wonderful woman and I worry about her well-being. Not- not to say I'm obsessed with her or anything, I just care. A lot." He cleared his throat. "Alright, uh, I'll just go and talk to her. Put those in a nice vase, if you'd please?"

He quickly jogged down the hallway, while Grandpa Ray stared. "He is aware that she's married, isn't he?" Ray shrugged and went to go look for a vase to put the massive bouquet in.

Arthur stood in front of the door, all ready to barge in, but froze. He could hear heavy breathing from the other side, as well as a bit from his side. The poor girl must be inconsolable, and if he was going to show that he cared for her, he would also have to show that he could also he strong when she was not. And with that, he summed up all his courage, and pulled the door open.

Upon opening the door, he could see her lying in bed… half-naked with her fully naked husband on top of her. And Janet screeched, Ken fell out of the bed in shock, and Arthur gazed upon the entire scene with a slow realization bubbling up behind his now crumbling self-worth. After the tensest 4 seconds of the collective room's entire lives, Ken spoke up.

"Who do you think you are? And… who exactly are you, again?" His eyes darted around the room, from his wife, to Arthur, and to himself. And, upon realizing he was fully exposed, yanked down the bed-sheets to cover his raging erection. Janet with her hands covering her face, whimpered condolences towards Artie (and God), and took a deep breath. Readjusting one of her bra straps, she slipped out of bed and walked over to Mr. Underhill, blushing profusely.

"I thought he was… what are you… I don't," Mr. Underhill sputtered, trying to make heads or tails of the current situation.

Janet rocked on her feet for a second and said "Look, it's a long story, and this is sort of a bad time, so maybe you can come around and we can talk later this week?" Ken got back up to his feet and stated "Presumably after I fix these fucking door locks," But, all Arthur did was walk from the room with a sour expression, slamming the door behind him as he did. Grandpa Raiden was already waiting for him at the end of the hall, with an " _I tried to warn you_ " expression all too apparent on his face.

Mr. Underhill shook his hand. "Congratulations on your genetics, sir." He uttered before taking his walk of shame out the front door. Ray's head popped up from behind the kitchen's cabinets. "Found the vase! Hey, what'd I miss? What was all that screaming about door locks and genetics?"

Grandpa Ray gave a crooked smile. "I'll tell you when you're older."


End file.
